3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
