He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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