Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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