You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
