i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize