talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize