We're facebook friends in real life
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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