Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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