the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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