we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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