She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
