im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
