Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
