I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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