apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
