Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
