that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
