Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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