i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You dont lie about slip and slides
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
