Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
