make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
