i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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