the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
