Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
