I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize