I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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