someone get that fucking seahorse.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize