Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
