he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
