You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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