does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
