I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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