Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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