I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
