Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize