OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
