Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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