Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
