I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
