Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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