i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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