census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
