We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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