some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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