I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
