At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
