i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
