I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
