so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
