Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
