no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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