yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
