capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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