Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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