At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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