just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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