Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
