careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
