God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
