im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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