Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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