DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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