I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
