i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
