I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize