apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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