I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
