Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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