So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
A bitchslap is in order.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
