3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Drake has all the answers
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
