He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
