Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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