God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
