i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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