well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
