it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
