we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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