my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
