Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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