You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
