his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We got so high we made milksteak
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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