Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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