He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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