Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
